Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
