I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize