im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
