In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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