Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
