Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
