What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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