I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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