he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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