I wish I could punch you in the face.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize