She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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