I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
