In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
