I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
