You're so nebulous sometimes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
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.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?