I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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