the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She bit a glass in half.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.