On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
