I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
