Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize