So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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