i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
