Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
