At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is my gift to your gina
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
