Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
