Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
