we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
