if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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