if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
