Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We talked him into tasing himself.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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