Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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