her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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