I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He? As in you personified your dick?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
