well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
