just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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