I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
