Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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