i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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