does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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