I'm going to jail i love you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
