i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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