just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
