Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
