There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
