Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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