I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
