well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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