You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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