So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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