The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
