its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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