Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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