He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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