so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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