glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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