at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
