You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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