Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.