i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is