I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were