Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.