I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
