Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
