im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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