Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sarcasm needs its own font
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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